dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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