I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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