my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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