You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
