I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
