So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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