So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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