I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
