Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
