i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
