hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
