Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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