Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
