I just threw up on my dentist
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
