Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
