i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
