I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
