So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
