Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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