I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
