I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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