I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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