I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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