i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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