possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
