i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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