Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
