We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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