I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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