Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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