He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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