You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
