Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
