he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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