Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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