good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He? As in you personified your dick?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
