I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
