i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
