Small penises have feelings too.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
