yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
