This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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