Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
