I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
