how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
