A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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