I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
