We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
