I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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