So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
