wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
