I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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