if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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