Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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