I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
