I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
