Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
