There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
