fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
