the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
