there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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