i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
