i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
