I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
