Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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