Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Vodka?
Forever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
