blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
