I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
