What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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