My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is wine microwaveable?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
