just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
