You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
