Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
