he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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