guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
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