morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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