so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
