Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
