I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
True strength comes from lack of pants
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
