im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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