So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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