We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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